If you’re ready to introduce a little kink to your life here’s a piece of advice for you. Taking it slow and not breaching trust are the two single most important things you can do. If you’re in a long-term relationship and want to spice things up a little with BDSM, now is as good a time as any.
Another thing that is often overlooked, but it may not be as obvious in the beginning is the side of a BDSM act you want to be on. Experiment and see how much you enjoy being dominated, and then switch roles and try to be the dominant partner. You might be surprised about what you like, and keep in mind you can play with gender roles as well.
Use a Blindfold
Using a blindfold is definitely a good start for BDSM rookies. You can literally use any familiar piece of cloth as a blindfold that you already have in the house as long as it’s not sheer. This is a safe step toward BDSM sexual pleasure, and yet every touch will feel different because you or your partner won’t be able to anticipate where it’s going to be. Use an old tie, a bandana or an old (clean) rag to fashion a blindfold. Experiment with it and see whether you prefer to be blindfolded or you’d rather do ‘the work’ while the other person is unable to see you.
Use Oils/Whipped Cream
When you’re turned on your body responds to the slightest touch in a different way than usual. If you want to enhance your sexual experience BDSM style, introduce oils (possibly edible) and/or whipped cream into your sex games. Avoid wax or anything hot, and use room temperature oil and whipped cream as you don’t want any shrinkage due to cold mixtures coming from the fridge. Instead of doing it in the bedroom, do it in the kitchen to change the scenery as you introduce new sensations, which is the point of BDSM. Contrary to popular opinion, BDSM games don’t necessarily need to inflict pain, and there is no need to be a vampire girl sticking your fangs down someone’s neck. All they need to do is raise the level of arousal to the point never reached before.
Do It All Over
Having sex all over the place that uses elements of BDSM is a great way to welcome kink with open arms without doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just like you can tie your partner to your headboard, you can tie him up in the car, or instead of whipped cream at home, use lube at a hotel. Speaking of lube, many members of the BDSM community will argue that having lube at home is like having milk in the refrigerator. Using lube leads to elevated levels of arousal, and when it’s coupled with the fact that you’re on vacation, and your mind is at piece, your sexual gratification will be immense. When you get more comfortable with using BDSM toys in the bedroom, try using them in public places as the thrill of getting caught is like no other, provided you don’t actually end up with a hefty fine.
Used with kind permission from Coleen Singer and our friends at